I'm scared for us, and I'm sorry.

Warning: long, rambly, personal, vaguely political. 

I'm having a really hard time putting into words what I'm feeling when it comes to the violence and the brutality and the racial tensions that are happening in our nation right now.. and I am SO frustrated because a lot of people in the public eye including myself have to weigh the pros and cons of speaking out on things that are politically charged in any way shape or form.

If we speak out we always risk offending someone (even if the offended person is wrong/a bigot/whatever) and when our career and livelihood has so much to do with being in the public eye, it's so hard to feel comfortable expressing your opinions when anybody could decide to bash you and you could lose any success you've already gained. Does that make sense? Even if you're on the right side of history, if enough people vocally disagree with you, you're lucky to come out the other side.

With all that said, I still feel like I have to use the voice that I have been given and the audience that I am blessed enough to have to let everybody know that, even though not all of us are being very vocal about it due to fear (which makes me disappointed in us as a whole, even though it's totally understandable) the world is noticing. We are seeing the things that are happening and it's hurting us just as much as it's hurting you. We are not turning a blind eye- it's really disappointing that we have to be so afraid of the repercussions that we don't want to speak out about something that's literally just human decency.

The thing that I really want to express is that black lives matter, gay lives matter; yes, all lives matter, as so many people are so quick to reply with- but we have to remember that all lives are not the lives that are working at a disadvantage. The concept of privilege is a touchy one but as a cisgendered white female I have to realize that in the grand scheme of things I've had it pretty easy! I've never been afraid to be pulled over by a police officer because of my skin color and I've never been afraid to meet up with a stranger because of my perceived heterosexuality or gender identity.

This police brutality and the violence that is happening just because of skin tone and other unalterable differences is just unacceptable no matter how you look at it. Let's keep in mind that your skin color literally has to do with how close to the equator your ancestors lived. If that's a reason to discriminate against somebody, then can we logically discriminate because of height? Natural hair color? You, sir, have two more freckles than me and your earlobes are 3 millimeters longer, therefore you deserve to die. How on earth does that make sense?

After talking to a police officer friend, I had another thought too. The fact that the police are sworn to protect and to serve: the police should be (and often are) the most outraged about this turn of events because the bad apples in their community are the ones that are going against the very thing that they swore to uphold! These individuals are not protecting, they're not serving- they are murdering for no valid reason. Of COURSE I do support the police generally speaking, and I do support the fact that they are sacrificing themselves in order to protect and serve like I just said, but the fact of the matter is one bad egg drags the rest of them down just like in any other community. You know it already since it all ties in- not all men are harassers, not all black people are criminals, not all Muslims are terrorists, not all cops are crooked racists.... I could continue about literally every group on the planet.

And then we have things like the shooting of those officers last week. I found quote from the shooter that said he wanted to kill white people, especially white officers, in retaliation. I'm just baffled at this. If we're working so hard to make the violence stop, to remove the stigma, to even out the playing field and have everyone come out alive the other end, how is killing cops that had NOTHING to do with the specific murders going to help? Just as much as those black people didn't deserve to die, neither did these cops. Anger is justified, but don't let your reaction fan the flames! 

We've descended into the realm of retaliatory violence, and this terrifies me.

I'm thoroughly crying now and don't think I'm going to make any headway as I keep talking about this topic so let me just leave you with this:

Love is love and people are people and our backgrounds and our ancestors and anything that happened before we were even born to discern what our lives were going to look like has nothing to do with our worth as human beings. Nobody deserves to be killed for having a tail light out and nobody deserves to be shot for going out to a club and everyone deserves their best chance at a happy and productive life. Let's just all play Pokemon Go and be friends and stop this nonsense that is literally killing people.

I'm sorry if this offends you and I'm sorry if you don't want your Internet personalities to express an opinion on this sort of thing, but I feel like as someone with a larger audience than most I am obligated to express that you are important no matter who you are.

You are loved.