Friendship and Privacy- A Rant on Social Media Interaction
Okay, I'm gonna try to do this without being insulting, I promise! But I really would like to get this across so that people can understand why "internet personalities" behave the way they do regarding social media and privacy, and I'll get into a little bit of why I think this is even an issue (that's really nobody's fault!). Also keep in mind that while facebook is the biggest source of the headache, you can really sub in almost any social network.
~
I'm pretty sure that you have, by now, come across a cosplayer's "real" facebook account. You know, the one their family is on, the real life friends, the one that you can't see many posts on but when you do they don't seem like public industry related posts. It may even have a cover image or bio that states "this is private, add my fan page!" So you add it anyway, public page be damned.
WHY?!
Okay, deep breaths. Such frustrate. Much invasive. Wow.
People HAVE to understand that just because we do consider you a friend, you may not be someone we'd share our entire lives with. If we've never spent time together outside of a convention or an internet conversation, I don't see how that automatically means we need to have you on every facet of our personal lives. The internet is great and has led to so many friendships being built, but just as you wouldn't expect Anne Hathaway to add you on her account when you met her once at an autograph session, or you complimented a fanartist once on DA and then try to add her family account. It doesn't make sense and you should be understanding if the answer is no.
This is so aggravating, though nobody in particular is to blame. If someone gets snippy at yoru request and you honestly have done nothing to provoke it, please keep in mind how many times this has happened to provoke this kind of response. But at the same time, please check your own attitude and tone. Are you being respectful and understanding when we say no or ignore you, or are you acting entitled to our private lives? Maybe we have a medical issue we don't want public, maybe my grandma doesn't like my cosplay and she's on that account, there are so many reasons why you don't need to be there. Especially keep in mind the safety issue! You might be a top person, safe and kind and rad, but we can't be sure and what if someone you know isn't so great? There has to be an understanding that someone's personal safety is more important than another person's feelings.
Our public pages, I SWEAR, are infinitely more relevant and interesting than our personal accounts and you aren't missing much. PLEASE make sure you're following someone's public page, because if you just try to add our personal account as a stranger, that feels invasive and insincere. In addition, if you MUST send a request, also send a message explaining who you are and how we know each other so we can put a name to a face and can open that dialogue no matter what our decision is.
In addition, please remember that unless you are LITERALLY on OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Eharmony, fet life, etc. or we explicitly say so in our facebook page, we are not looking for dating or hookups and really don't appreciate being propositioned in any way shape or form. Compliments are fine, asking us on dates constantly is not. That's not why we made these accounts and it makes us feel (justifiably so) that you're on our page for all the wrong reasons.
~
Rant over, now I want to kind of speculate on why this is such a prevalent issue. I, for one, am super type A and love making friends with absolutely everyone. I mean it when I say that I consider everyone that follows me publicly a friend I haven't met yet. And yet, it's impossible to have a social circle that large that you consistently check up on and converse with regularly, and it's not reasonable to expect that. Like I mentioned before, the internet and social media have really changed the definition and process of keeping in touch, but at the same time, not enough to where everyone is equal friends. Levels of friendship are a thing, and you have to cut off somewhere!
There's a great article on the monkeysphere, if you google that word, that explains where the problem with this is.
I feel like myspace specifically can be considered the source of a bit of this shift- remember how you had a top 8 friends list, and it was in order, and people took it REALLY personally if you weren't there? I feel like that changed a lot of how our generation views friendship. For sure, I have tiers in a way, but it's like the different type of love and can't fairly be compared. Like, I have my top 2 lifetime best friends, then I have my nerd sisters and princess sisters (mind that heavy overlap!), I have my super close cosplay communities in both AZ and HI, and so on and so on. It's just, once you hit that level of "I care for you and wish you well but wouldn't go out of my way to say hi if I saw you at Target"... everyone's line is different and it's safest and fairest to err on the more conservative side.
Friendship is exhausting. I think I wanna go make tea, hug the cat, cook dinner, and go to the comic shop.
Love you all, internet or no internet.
~
I'm pretty sure that you have, by now, come across a cosplayer's "real" facebook account. You know, the one their family is on, the real life friends, the one that you can't see many posts on but when you do they don't seem like public industry related posts. It may even have a cover image or bio that states "this is private, add my fan page!" So you add it anyway, public page be damned.
WHY?!
Okay, deep breaths. Such frustrate. Much invasive. Wow.
People HAVE to understand that just because we do consider you a friend, you may not be someone we'd share our entire lives with. If we've never spent time together outside of a convention or an internet conversation, I don't see how that automatically means we need to have you on every facet of our personal lives. The internet is great and has led to so many friendships being built, but just as you wouldn't expect Anne Hathaway to add you on her account when you met her once at an autograph session, or you complimented a fanartist once on DA and then try to add her family account. It doesn't make sense and you should be understanding if the answer is no.
This is so aggravating, though nobody in particular is to blame. If someone gets snippy at yoru request and you honestly have done nothing to provoke it, please keep in mind how many times this has happened to provoke this kind of response. But at the same time, please check your own attitude and tone. Are you being respectful and understanding when we say no or ignore you, or are you acting entitled to our private lives? Maybe we have a medical issue we don't want public, maybe my grandma doesn't like my cosplay and she's on that account, there are so many reasons why you don't need to be there. Especially keep in mind the safety issue! You might be a top person, safe and kind and rad, but we can't be sure and what if someone you know isn't so great? There has to be an understanding that someone's personal safety is more important than another person's feelings.
Our public pages, I SWEAR, are infinitely more relevant and interesting than our personal accounts and you aren't missing much. PLEASE make sure you're following someone's public page, because if you just try to add our personal account as a stranger, that feels invasive and insincere. In addition, if you MUST send a request, also send a message explaining who you are and how we know each other so we can put a name to a face and can open that dialogue no matter what our decision is.
In addition, please remember that unless you are LITERALLY on OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Eharmony, fet life, etc. or we explicitly say so in our facebook page, we are not looking for dating or hookups and really don't appreciate being propositioned in any way shape or form. Compliments are fine, asking us on dates constantly is not. That's not why we made these accounts and it makes us feel (justifiably so) that you're on our page for all the wrong reasons.
~
Rant over, now I want to kind of speculate on why this is such a prevalent issue. I, for one, am super type A and love making friends with absolutely everyone. I mean it when I say that I consider everyone that follows me publicly a friend I haven't met yet. And yet, it's impossible to have a social circle that large that you consistently check up on and converse with regularly, and it's not reasonable to expect that. Like I mentioned before, the internet and social media have really changed the definition and process of keeping in touch, but at the same time, not enough to where everyone is equal friends. Levels of friendship are a thing, and you have to cut off somewhere!
There's a great article on the monkeysphere, if you google that word, that explains where the problem with this is.
I feel like myspace specifically can be considered the source of a bit of this shift- remember how you had a top 8 friends list, and it was in order, and people took it REALLY personally if you weren't there? I feel like that changed a lot of how our generation views friendship. For sure, I have tiers in a way, but it's like the different type of love and can't fairly be compared. Like, I have my top 2 lifetime best friends, then I have my nerd sisters and princess sisters (mind that heavy overlap!), I have my super close cosplay communities in both AZ and HI, and so on and so on. It's just, once you hit that level of "I care for you and wish you well but wouldn't go out of my way to say hi if I saw you at Target"... everyone's line is different and it's safest and fairest to err on the more conservative side.
Friendship is exhausting. I think I wanna go make tea, hug the cat, cook dinner, and go to the comic shop.
Love you all, internet or no internet.
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